Trouble shooting 10 point checklist:

1. Does the protagonist have clearly defined goals, motivations, needs, desires, fears, ghost, problems?
Have you communicated to the audience who the protagonist is, what he wants, how he plans to achieve his goals?

2. Do you know the characters well enough? Do they exist in their own world as complex, credible people that the audience can identify with?

3. What is the genre? Who are the audience? Does the script have commercial appeal? Would people pay to go to see this film? (Anyone other than your Aunt Mabel that is).

4. What is the point of the script? What is the theme – what is it really about? Have you communicated this effectively?
If you were asked, could you state the theme and the premise?

5. Have you paid enough attention to the structure?
Do you have enough ideas in there?
Does the opening hit the ground running and hook the audience or will they be reaching for the remote control after the first act?
What are the end of act plot points?
Does the ending deliver and tie in all the plot points?

6. Is your writing stylish enough?
Are you describing the story visually enough using good key words and adjectives? Remember that in screenwriting, less is more, make sure you haven’t waffled or written big chunks of dialogue.

7. Have you used the animation treasure chest?
There are many sound effects and visual effects at your disposal, be sure to use them when necessary. Above all be aware of things like zip pans and other transitions that will help move the story along.

8. Have you laid out the script in it’s correct format?
Remember one page is one minute. Double check spelling and grammar. ALWAYS have someone else read through. Screenwriting is a collaborative effort.

9. Have you put enough thought into the plot structure?
Remember that scripts are about parallel action. Several things happening to several people at once. Are you showing this by cutting back and forth between stories? Are your scenes short and sweet enough to allow the script to flow or have you concentrated on one character for to long?

10. Could your script be interpreted as a live action script?
If so you need to go back and let your imagination loose, this is the only thing that is limiting you from writing a great animation script.
Remember, anything is possible in animation and we deal with drawings not temperamental actors!

Dialogue Do’s and Don’t!

Do:
– Make it memorable.
– Make sure each character’s dialogue has got something to do with the business of the scene.
– Ask yourself if every line could be better.
– Ask yourself if every line could be shorter, can you lose words, or whole sentences. A good tip is, if you have too much dialogue, to chop the beginning and the end bits. Often the middle will have the important part of what you want the character to say.
– Ask yourself if you can achieve what you want visually rather than verbally. In other words have the characters do something instead of saying it. Actions can speak louder than words!

Don’t:
– Have big lengthy chunks of dialogue. No matter how good the animation is, if the audience has to stare at a drawing for too long they will realise that they are watching a cartoon. Drawings are not as good at acting out dialogue scenes as say, Jim Carey. Cartoons are better at action than talking.

Screenplay terms

Here is a selection of terms used in a screenplay not already mentioned that will be useful. This is not a definitive list, but it should be enough to help produce our first draft.

Fade in: / Fade out: These are used at the beginning and end of the screenplay, mostly just to signify that - the start and finish - and are not necessarily camera instructions.
V.O. (Voice Over): Part of the dialogue that is not spoken by the character(s) on screen. This is usually narration or a way of vocalizing a character’s thoughts.
O.S. (Off Screen): Dialogue spoken by a character in the scene but not in the shot. It is different to V.O.
Both V.O. and O.S. Instructions appear in brackets immediately after the character’s name.
When writing the “action” part of the script, you may want to add some directorial suggestions for camera angles. These are to convey your vision to the director. If that is also you then they serve as reminders. Here are a list of standard terms.
Angle on: A shot of a character, setting or object in the scene. This is to bring attention to them in the shot.
Favouring: Similar to angle on, making the person, place or item the focus of the shot.
Another angle: Shooting from a different position.
Wider angle: Zooming back to show more of the character in the setting.
POV (Point of View): Showing a scene for a character’s perspective.
Reverse angle: used to change POV to that of the other person in a scene.
Over the shot shoulder shot (OTS): A variation on POV shot. If POV is first person then this is third person. It shows the character’s POV but includes them in the shot.
Moving shot: Where the camera follows the action. There is no need to specify whether it is a tracking shot, pan, dolly etc at the writing stage.
Close shot: Also called a close-up. surely this doesn’t need any more explanation,
Insert: A close up shot of an item that is inserted into the scene. In live action this would be shot separately and added at the editing stage.

Rodney Street Ghost - List of Events:

McKenzie’s back story: A Victorian railway engineer, has made and lost fortunes through business and gambling. An ardent atheist who has hated God ever since his sweetheart died of a fever.

Madison’s back story: This is the devil himself, he preys on the weak such as McKenzie.

Foggy cold Sunday Night Liverpool Rodney Street. 1871.

See William James McKenzie walking briskly underneath the flickering yellow lamps.

An old doctor is leaving his practice and locks the door.

On the street the doctor sees McKenzie approaching and is terrified.

The doctor recognizes McKenzie from 20 years before.
Mckenzie was the doctor’s patient.
He knows this is the ghost of a dead man.

Doctor crosses the road but McKenzie calls after him.
“Ha…..Brocklebank is next”

McKenzie’s ghost walks straight through the cemetery wall.

The doctor sees the ghosts face it is …..Horrible. (needs description)

The doctor stumble into his friend’s house, Brocklebank, tells him the story of his sighting then what the ghost shouted.

Brocklebank starts to tell McKenzie’s story as they sit near the fireplace. Brocklebanks house is very grand. He is obviously very wealthy.

“ I remember James McKenzie, he was born old and crooked.
He was involved with the early railways and Stevenson’s rocket.

However there was a sad side to him in that he was a compulsive gambler. He made….and lost fortunes.

He was also an ardent atheist.

He burned his bible when his childhood sweetheart was killed in a train accident.

They say he stole dead bodies from their grave to sell to the medical schools in Scotland.

He needed money that badly to feed his gambling habit.

In 1850 McKenzie became aquainted with a mysterious man known only as Mr. Madison.

Madison was the sharpest poker player and after several games, which Madison of course won they arranged to meet up and play through the night.

Mckenzie lost everything to Madison, his money his business, his home.

As McKenzie got up to leave, Madison offered him ‘double or quits’
One last game.

McKenzie said that he was now penniless and had nothing left to gamble.

Madison suggested playing for McKenzie’s soul.

McKenzie declined and said
“ I think I know who you are”

Madison said that if McKenzie was truly an atheist he had nothing to lose.

A man who did not believe in the creator did not believe that he had been given a soul.

McKenzie was too proud and stubborn to acknowledge the existence of the almighty and agreed to play one last game in a bid to win back all his worldly goods.

Madison won.

Mckenzie fell to his knees in fear

Madison laughed and told him
“fear not I will take your soul until you are in the grave”

See the little pyramid on Rodney Street

Brocklebank explains still sitting near the fire.
“as long as McKenzie is above the ground and not in his grave the devil cannot take his soul, but because McKenzie rejected eternal rest with God he must walk the Streets of Liverpool until judgement day.”

the old doctor asks Brocklebank if he himself had ever actually met Mr Madison.

Brocklebank becomes uneasy and stares blankly into the fire.

“ You don’t think I got all this through hard work do you…But I’ll have the Devil to pay when my time comes.

Spring Heeled Jack – List of events:

Spring Heeled Jack – Back-story:
Stories of a demon have filtered up from London, about a strange man attacking people with his large claws and robbing from houses.
However, no one paid much attention to the stories, not in Liverpool. They were just an urban myth designed to frighten children. But that all changed one night.


Present day 2 kids A & B : Playing cricket in the park where they meet the old man (narrator). They also have a dog X.

Old man; Narrator. Appears from nowhere to tell the story to the kids.
The story is about Spring heeled Jack in turn of the century Liverpool.

1900 Liverpool 2 kids C & D: Two street urchins that are helped by Spring Heeled Jack. They also have a dog Y.

Present day Liverpool its going to rain but two kids A & B and their dog continue to play cricket in Crocky Park.

The ball gets stuck up one of the old oak trees, they try to retrieve it.
The dog Y starts to growl.

The old man appears and says the ‘Spring Heeled Jack’ would have no problem getting it down.

It starts to rain and the old man tells them the story of Spring Heeled Jack. The story is set in Liverpool 1900 and involves two similar kids and their dog.

Kids C & D are walking through the church yard at St Nicholas church.
There is thunder and lightening.

The dog Y starts and growls, we see a cloaked figure leaping across the steeple.

The kids look to see what the mysterious shape was.

They are frightened by the shapes that the Lightening throws up against the gravestones.

They run away into town.

We see wanted posters showing SHJ.

WANTED: SPRING-HEELED JACK. REWARD £100 FOR HIS CAPTURE

Kid C suggests that they should try to catch him themselves. That for a hundred pounds they could buy food for everyone we know!

Kid D doesn’t believe that SHJ exists and is skeptical.

The kids run through the Liverpool backstreets, near Rigbys on Dale Street.
Inside one of the taverns there are two Business men, we see a waitress lift a one of their wallets.

The two kids accidentally bump into the two business men as they leave the tavern.
One man accuses kid C of stealing his wallet.

The police arrive.

A crowd gathers.

Kid C pleads his innocence but the business man wants him arrested.

We watch from SHJ POV high above the alley.

Dog Y growls.

SHJ drops down on the scene and causes chaos.

The kids are able to escape from the policeman.

The businessmen shout that SHJ has just attacked them.

SHJ leaps out of the alley when the two kids are safe.

Kids C & D have taken refuge in an old shop. Through the boarded up windows they see OFFICERS and people rushing toward the tavern.

Kid C : Did he just help us escape?
A huge mob has gathered outside the tavern. The stories of SHJ become ever more sensationalized with each tale.

“His eyes were burning bright. He attacked them without mercy.”

The mob weaves through the narrow streets, chanting, baying for blood. Long shadows against the walls show the mob is swelling.

“Up there!”

Jack's maniac cackling rings out across the city.

The mob look skyward.

Jack prances along a telephone cable like a tightrope walker, high above the street.

One of the mob takes aim with his musket and shoots the cable, bringing it down Jack lands amongst the crowd.
Everybody freezes for a instant.

The man with the musket takes aim again.

Jack turns to leave when another mob rounds the other corner blocking him in.

Kids C & D hop onto a cart for a better vantage point.
The horse at the front of the cart rears up.

Jack looks up. The buildings are extremely high. Jack hesitates.

Kid D says “We've got to do something.”

Jack is cornered and the Musket man starts to squeeze the trigger.

Kid C takes a piece of wood and slaps the back of the horse.

The horse and cart career off down the alley.

The crowd part.

SHJ makes his escape, tips his hat to the boys in a gesture of thanks.

Back in the present the Old man speaks to the kids.
“Some say he was a scorned lover, others say he was a practical joker, while others still say he was the devil himself. A less popular view was that he merely the creation of the authorities, used to police the streets through fear.”

The Storm starts to brew again.
Dog X starts to whimper.

The kids look up to see that the old man has gone but they hear him laughing like a madman.

Up above, the branches start to shake and the cricket ball falls from the tree. Was the old man SHJ Himself?

Valentines day: List of events.

Cathleen’s back-story: From a poor working class background but was very pretty. She used to meet Oliver in secret on the bridge. She worked as a waitress and maid in an hotel owned by Oliver’s family.
Contracted cholera through drinking dirty water at home.
She has a persistent cough from staying in crowded living quarters.

Oliver’s back-story: Upper class and well travelled as a shipping merchant. He was pressured into an arranged marriage against his will. Loved Cathleen and used to met her in secret but was realistic about their future. Involved in a shooting accident when hunting and injured his leg. He limps now.

Cholera: Is a disease which is contracted by drinking contaminated or dirty water. John Snow, found the link between cholera and drinking water in 1854.

Events:
Oliver and Cathleen are discreet when they are around each other at the hotel. They ignore each other.

They meet in secret at the bridge in Sefton Park.

Cathleen lives in a crowded court in Liverpool City centre. Cholera is taking it’s toll on the population.

Oliver travels the world on big ships but misses Cathleen when he’s away.

Oliver’s parents meet with the parents of a girl whose families are also rich. They arrange for Oliver and girl 2 to be married.
This way the two shipping companies can merge and be strong providing employment for the sailors of Liverpool.

Oliver returns from his travels and goes to meet Cathleen. He tells her that he will marry her and take her away.
she is coughing uncontrollably which makes Oliver sad.

Oliver returns home and is met by the four parents.

The girl 2 is in the next room sobbing. The parents tell Oliver of their plans and introduce girl 2.

Oliver reluctantly agrees to marry girl 2. Now he must tell Cathleen.

It is Valentine’s day February 14th.
Oliver and Cathleen meet on the bridge at Sefton Park. He brings some flowers for her.

They stare into the water below the bridge.

He tells her of his parent’s plans and girl 2. She is heart broken and pleads with him to keep his promise to her and take her away.
He tells her that they must stop meeting.
She is coughing uncontrollably.

Cathleen begs Oliver to meet her at the bridge on Valentine’s day the next year.
He agrees.
They both cry and go their separate ways. She gives him her handkerchief.

Cathleen is fired from her job at the hotel.

Oliver marries girl 2. It is an unhappy marriage and we see him pining for Cathleen, holding the handkerchief and counting down the days to Valentine’s day.

We see Cathleen’s miserable life of poverty. In crowded living space and with ill health all around.

Oliver goes past the poor area in his horse drawn carriage on his way to Sefton Park.

Cathleen dies of cholera in a crowded room.

Oliver arrives at the bridge.
He waits for ages.
Cathleen finally shows up but looking very unhappy and scary.
Oliver is delighted nonetheless and limps toward her.
He puts his arms out wide but she just passes right through, she is a ghost.

Oliver is left devastated and alone, girl 2 leaves him.

Cathleen appears on the bridge and terrifies people every Valentines day.

Soap Sally – List of events

Sally’s backstory:

Evacuated with lots of other children during World War 1 but didn’t understand why.
Thought she was taken away by policemen because she hadn’t got washed properly. This could explain her obsession with soap.
She lost all her family including both her parents during the war.
Could explain why she can’t talk or some other characteristic.
Now she wants to protect children, particularly unwashed ones and tries to take them to safety.
This is perceived as kidnapping and she now has a reputation as a bad person and the myth that she makes soap out of naughty children’s fat has developed.

Young girl leaves home because her parents are fighting.
Girl steals money from her Mum’s purse to pay for bus fare.
Girl gets lost in town. She sees gangs of other homeless kids.
She is looking up at the Lewis’s statue.

Soap Sally approaches her from behind, puts hands over her eyes.
Sally grabs her and starts to lead her (toward the police station).
Girl distracts Sally and breaks free. She runs and runs until she gets away.

The girl is still lost and is looking at a big advert showing comfy home life on a billboard.
Girl dreams of being home again.
Girl is awoken from her dream by a dog. We see its shadow.
Girl is disturbed from petting the dog by a policeman.
She screams and runs off again down a dark alley.
Just when she thinks she is safe she turns around into Soap Sally.
Sally tells the terrified girl to keep quiet or ‘you’ll never see your mummy again’.

Sally holds tight onto the girl and leads her away.
The gang of homeless kids see Sally and the girl.
They surround them and sing a cruel rhyme about Sally.
Sally escapes but is followed to her house by the gang which is now growing in number.
Sally is cowering in her house while the lynch mob gathers outside.
The mob breaks in and finds lots of different shaped soap bars
Sally is not there.
The girl is asleep back at home.
There is a tapping at the window.
Soap Sally appears at the window then disappears when the girl screams.

Rodney Street Ghost. Main character descriptions.

William McKenzie:
Age: 40.
Gender: Male.
Appearance: Worried due his chronic gambling addiction. Expensive clothes not well groomed.
Accessories: A pack of cards.
Back story: A Victorian railway engineer, has made and lost fortunes through business and gambling. An ardent aetheist who has hated God ever since his sweetheart died of a fever.

Mr. Madison: (The Devil)
Age: Looks 50.
Gender: Male.
Appearance: Demonic, sharp dresser, myserious, confident.
Accessories: Walking cane.
Back Story: Hates all humanity, spreads lies and deceit around the world.

Soap Sally. Main character descriptions.

Soap Sally:
Age: Old as the hills.
Gender: Female, we think.
Appearance: Six feet tall, built like a man, long grubby coat, baggy tights, buckled shoes, thick eyebrows that meet in the middle, face plastered in make up, headscarf.
Accessories: She carries a small basket of soaps with different shapes.
Back story: She despises children perhaps because of her own upbringing, Soap Sally is a ghost and is able to visit children in their dreams.

Spring Heeled Jack. Main character description.

Spring Heeled Jack:
Age: Looks about 30, has been around for centuries.
Gender: Male, we think.
Appearance: Tall, thin with long legs, wearing all white with an egg shaped helmet, a black cloak, claws for hands.
Accessories: A hysterical laugh, wild red eyes, breathes blue smoke.
Back story: Is he good or bad? Jack remains an enigma, some think he is from another planet!

Valentines day story. Main character descriptions.

Oliver:
Age: 32.
Gender: Male.
Appearance: Tall, looks young, kind face, expensive clothes.
Accessories: Carries a knife to protect him when he's out in the City.
Back story: From a wealthy Victorian family with very strict parents.

Cathleen:
Age: 29.
Gender: Female.
Appearance: She is short and pretty but her clothes betray her class.
Accessories: Carries a parasol.
Back story: Works as a maid in a restaurant which is owned by Oliver's family.

Setting for 'Rodney Street' story.

Place: Liverpool City entre.
Year: 1871.
Time of year: Autumn.
Conditions: Cold and foggy
Description of setting: It has been raining, we can see peoples breath in the flickering yellow lamplight.

Setting for 'Valentine's' story

Place: Sefton Park Liverpool.
Year: 1930
Time of year: Feb. Spring.
Conditions: Very misty.
Description of setting: Lots of flowers and foliage, water flowing under bridge.

Setting for 'Soap Sally' story

Place: Liverpool City centre.
Year: 1950
Time of year: Winter
Conditions: Foggy
Description of setting: Twilight, rush hour busy with people. Quiet on the backstreets.

Setting for 'Spring Heeled Jack' story

Place: St Francis Xavier parish, Everton, England.
Year: 1904.
Time of year: Summer
Conditions: Balmy, raining, foggy
Description of setting: Lots of dark alleys, rat infested, many people milling around.

Exercise

Take the introductory setting from your story and write a brief outline for each.

Include the following

Place:
Time of year:
Time of day:
Weather:
Describe the appearance of the location:

Six Points to remember when writing for animation.

1. Make use of the animated format; Be a little bit reckless visually. Take advantage of the opportunities that live action writers don’t have.

2. Try this: Before you write a scene, close your eyes and try to see it the way you would on a TV. Play the scene out in your mind a few times until its clear, then rewind and write down how you imagined it.

3. Where possible, keep dialogue brief. The more you look at a character talking, the more you realise that you’re looking at a cartoon, this breaks the illusion. Animators, no matter how skilful they are, still won’t be as good at acting as say; Johnny Depp.
In some market research I had to take one of the cartoons that I’d worked on to a school. The main thing that I noticed was that when there was a lengthy chunk of dialogue on a character close up, the kids tended to get distracted.

4. Don’t assume that the animation will carry the action in a scene.
Drawings aren’t that good at acting, so if you were to write something like:
‘She looks at him without understanding’
it’s going to be very difficult to animate. You’ll need a line that says
‘I don’t understand’ from the character to help it along.
In short; don’t try to be subtle, animation should caricature real life, not try to imitate it.

5. It’s more entertaining to write character driven stories than to write a script that is centred on finding something.
‘Gee professor, we have to find the magic crystal powerstone before Nightfire does or the world is doomed’.
These scripts are 10 a penny. It’s much more interesting to take the character and tell his or her story instead.

6. Think and write more in terms of visual humor rather than trying to write verbal humor. If you look at the Simpsons, some of the best moments are when the characters go a full minute without any dialogue. This is the purest form of animation.

Three act structure

Here is a diagram of Lisa's journey in 'Lisa the Vegetarian.